Protecting your relationship during IVF

Communication is already a challenge in itself, but broaching the subject of assisted reproduction (IVF/ART) makes this task even more complex. Couples who turn to medicine to start a family face exhaustion, the grief of not conceiving naturally, the daily mental load, on top of the demands of the medical journey and managing family and professional relationships. Finding mutual understanding and maintaining a connection throughout this assisted reproduction journey, and even beyond, while remaining united in the ultimate goal of becoming parents, can sometimes prove more complicated than expected. We will look at how to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of assisted reproduction together and cultivate constructive communication.

In the demanding context of fertility treatment, simply putting feelings into words is not enough. Effective communication relies on expressing your needs and emotions, as well as the other person's ability to receive them, and vice versa. You may feel the need to share your worries, anger, sadness or joy, but it is crucial to consider whether your partner is ready to listen and to understand what you have to say. 

In what context and how should you express your thoughts to ensure your message is properly understood? These questions have a considerable bearing on the quality of communication within your relationship during fertility treatment. 

Here are a few essential prerequisites before embarking on a genuine conversation as a couple: 

Practical tip: Plan dedicated communication sessions together where each of you can freely share your feelings. This encourages better understanding and strengthens the emotional connection as a couple. Regular moments, with a set duration, to discuss your emotions can help maintain open and healthy communication. This can be built around a pleasant ritual you both enjoy (Sunday evening aperitif, Wednesday pizza night…).

Once we have established a safe framework for each of us, how do we go about actually expressing what we need to share? 

Communication within a couple, already a delicate matter, becomes even more complex in the emotionally charged context of fertility treatment. To avoid misunderstandings and tension, incorporating non-violent communication techniques offers a constructive framework for expressing oneself and understanding each other.

Here is why this matters:

Practical tip: When using non-violent communication techniques, adopt the OSBD method by expressing yourself in the first person.

Observation: I feel at the moment that we are not understanding each other.

Feeling: That makes me sad.

Need: Because I need you and our relationship at this stage of the journey.

Request: Could we talk about it?

Beyond communication, finding space for your relationship outside of the fertility treatment journey often takes a back seat. Caught up in the demands and exhaustion of medically assisted reproduction, couples can lose sight of one another, even though they are at the very heart of this project. It is essential to give yourselves moments together to nurture your bond and your love.

If you are embarking on an assisted reproduction journey, it is because you aspire to build a family life TOGETHER. You chose each other, you love each other, and it is vital to preserve your life as a couple outside of this challenge — because this journey is, first and foremost, about YOU.

Assisted reproduction is all-encompassing in a couple's life, extending its influence over every aspect of your identity. However, it is essential to make a conscious effort to remember the reasons why you love each other, beyond this demanding medical journey.

Practical Tip: Write down the ten most beautiful moments of your story and plan a time to share them together, revisiting your journey as a couple. This will help you reconnect with the foundations of your relationship and nurture your bond.

Remembering why you love each other, nurturing your emotional bond, and creating special moments outside of medical appointments are key elements in preserving the strength and vitality of your relationship during fertility treatment. By focusing on the positive aspects of your connection, you reinforce your ability to face the challenges of this complex journey together.

While we have seen how important it is to remember the origins of your story, it is equally essential to create moments that belong exclusively to you, away from the demands of fertility treatment.

Here are a few small tips to help you get there:

A practical tip: each of you write down your ideas for couple time, share them with each other, and plan a few in during your treatment in particular. These dedicated moments will strengthen your bond and give you a breath of fresh air during fertility treatment.

Allow yourself to just be you during this fertility treatment journey! 

In this article, we explored the major challenges faced by couples going through fertility treatment, while waiting for a positive pregnancy test. We have identified practical tips to strengthen communication within couples and find a balance outside of the medical stages of fertility treatment.

Many couples face these relationship challenges during medically assisted reproduction. Protecting your relationship through fertility treatment requires a conscious effort, but it is a necessary one in order to move forward hand in hand on the path to parenthood. 

Remember that this fertility journey does not define you, that you are not alone, and that it is just one stage in your life. Take care of yourself — it is one of the most important keys to moving forward as serenely as possible through this challenging process.